This is the second day in a row that I've opened up my Google Drive, stared at the documents stored there, and then quickly went to open another tab.
I think it has been at least three months since I wrote anything that was not for assignment. Not a word for my sequel, or a line of dialogue for my screenplay, or a fragment for my Harry Potter fanfiction, which I had initially been so ecstatic for. I had been ecstatic about all my writing projects, honestly. And then I just suddenly lost my drive. It became an accomplishment if I could type out one hundred words while I was sitting at work. Those were "good" word count days.
I didn't write anything over my Winter Break. I told myself I needed the time to recoup, and that as soon as I was in Rome, I would be inspired again.
But that's not how inspiration works, and I knew that, even as I was telling this to myself.
I'm sitting in my apartment in Rome, a plate of ricotta cheese pancakes sitting heavily in my stomach, staring out my window - at Rome - and I cannot even bear to stare at my Google docs for longer than a few moments. My unedited video clips have the same effect on me.
I used to be very disciplined. I mean, that's how you get a novel finished in such a short span of time. By disciplining yourself, writing everyday, finding the energy and the excitement to write everyday, even if by the end of it you feel a little drained, a little disappointed in what you produced. Now, without assignments, I cannot even drag myself to that part of the process.
I either need to get myself a drill sergeant; or a new Muse.